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There's Life Outside, But I'm Not Living It

Most of the people in my life didn’t know. And the ones who knew, did not understand. Living with depression is very lonely. You live with people, yet you are completely and utterly alone.


There's a beautiful life out there

I could hide my inner world pretty damn well. So well that no one suspected. I thought it was my strength to not show it to others. I wanted to keep it as deep inside of me as possible – as deep as the depression was. And to be honest, I didn’t even know myself what was wrong with me or how to talk about it. I knew that there was something going on and that I had to keep it a secret to blend in.


Getting diagnosed with depression didn’t change much except getting the green light to jam-pack myself with antidepressants. So, I should be fine now, right? Wrong, and that can’t be farther from the truth. For some, those pills only mask the depression but offer no immediate or lasting happiness. I was losing myself more and more with each pill, and not getting closer to the root of what was causing it. I was separated even more from the world, from reality, and from who I was while the pills made a zombie out of me, boxed me up, and put me on the shelf labelled as “Case Closed”.  


Some of us have been lucky to find a way out on our own. Some of us haven’t yet found that way, or even worse, have given up, which of course has crossed our minds for us all. The draw of a quick and easy way out is real and always there. The question of “why bother?” is banging in our head constantly. It’s so heavy, so hopeless, so endless. The struggle is never painless, and it leaves us feeling exhausted, empty, and desperate for any real relief. 

I refused to believe there is a mental illness behind depression or that there was something wrong with my brain. I knew there was life outside, but I was not living it. I knew there had to be another way out of it so I decided to find it. 


My extreme pain forced me out of my comfort zone and make changes in my life. I realized I’d been on the wrong path, lived the wrong life, and made the wrong choices. I wasn’t true to myself, I wasn’t connected with myself, and I sure didn’t make my own needs a priority. Once I found my path, I felt alive again. 


I’m a survivor. I pulled myself through and found a way out on my own. I’m so fucking proud of myself! A lot of people have no idea how big of a deal this is. It’s huge! For me it was like winning Olympic gold! Getting back my mind and body, the control over my life, and the hope and happiness is priceless. And I’m so proud of everyone who has managed to beat that beast in their lives. We all deserve a gold medal.

I want everyone to see that life is supposed to be happy and worth every second. For people who have found their way out of depression, we appreciate life on a totally new level. We have lost so much valuable time that we now put double the effort into everything we do in order to make the most out of our days. I will always remember the bad times because they made me stronger and wiser. I’m holding these lessons close to my heart as I go all-in on life. 


Where are you on your journey right now? Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Asking for help makes you stronger, not hiding it. I’m here for you to help you understand your depression. Take that first step toward your better life, your better you, and your better future.

Take care and much love,




The journey starts with a scary but easy first step.  Let’s schedule your free consultation and talk about how we can work together to find your path and find your light once again.  Email me at

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